It's been a few weeks since my last post, and truth be told I haven't been wholly inspired as of late. My little fantasy foray was fun, but the the reality behind it has been less lascivious. One of the many certainties of a long-term relationship is, after all, that there will be many peaks and valleys. Sometime after being ejaculated on last night, I looked up and realized Stanley and I are in a valley.
You know how it goes. Suddenly I can't remember the last time we had an impromptu romp in the kitchen while preparing dinner, or the last time we screwed on the couch - or anywhere outside of the bedroom. Boom-boom tends to be the last thing we get around to before we zonk out for the night, so it gets whatever fumes of energy remain after a full day spent prioritizing other things.
It's not that we're that busy, mind you. But I am due to have a baby in three weeks, and that has no doubt taken a toll. I still want the nookie, but my flexibility isn't what it used to be, to say the least, and we're now down to a few variations of one position that I can still tolerate. (It's doggy, if you must know.) And although I'm in pretty good shape for this stage of pregnancy, but there are all kinds of real unsexy elements that come with a 37 week-old fetus. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that anal has been off the table for a looong time.
This is not to say I'm willing to blame it all on my "condition." It's at least as much due to the same reasons why sex becomes monotonous for any couple - lack of attention as well as intention.
I'm a pretty intense person, and my first tendency when the intimacy doesn't feel so intimate is to panic - it's the beginning of the end! Especially in this circumstance, where being fat and stumpy will be relieved by sleep deprivation, a traumatized vagina and the daily life of a dairy cow. It's not like we can expect a big rebound anytime soon. Just the opposite.
However, valleys and troughs are an unavoidable reality when you're in it for the long haul. First of all, you can't always be peaking on passion, or you'll burn out. Second, if you want to take on that whole family deal, burning out on sex and passion is the least of your worries.
So where does that leave us kinky couples who want it all?
For Stanley and I, it's left us on hiatus. Although our existence has been cozy and loving since we moved in together two months ago, we haven't had one scene in our new place. True, my pregnant body is a lot more tender than it ever was, but I still love a good spanking. (Even if it leaves crazy bruises that never appeared before.)The fact of the matter is, we're just in a lull.
What I observe, basically, is that as our vanilla sex has dipped, our kink has fizzled entirely. Which makes sense - there's not enough heat to sustain it, like when coals go cold. It's hard to cook a juicy steak on top of that.
Or is it the inverse? We didn't keep up our kink, and without the extra spark that used to stoke our vanilla fire, that too has faded?
Be it the chicken or the egg, the best way to recover is to brainstorm ways out of our sexual inertia. (I shouldn't call it inertia. The wham bam still takes place, after all.) It's an opportunity to explore new territory - ways to get off and get our kink on that work with our present and upcoming limitations.
I'd love to hear what other part-time kinky couples have to say about the dynamic between their kinky and vanilla sex over the course of a committed relationship. What has your experience been? How has bdsm helped or hindered sexual stamina between you and your partner?
You know how it goes. Suddenly I can't remember the last time we had an impromptu romp in the kitchen while preparing dinner, or the last time we screwed on the couch - or anywhere outside of the bedroom. Boom-boom tends to be the last thing we get around to before we zonk out for the night, so it gets whatever fumes of energy remain after a full day spent prioritizing other things.
It's not that we're that busy, mind you. But I am due to have a baby in three weeks, and that has no doubt taken a toll. I still want the nookie, but my flexibility isn't what it used to be, to say the least, and we're now down to a few variations of one position that I can still tolerate. (It's doggy, if you must know.) And although I'm in pretty good shape for this stage of pregnancy, but there are all kinds of real unsexy elements that come with a 37 week-old fetus. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that anal has been off the table for a looong time.
This is not to say I'm willing to blame it all on my "condition." It's at least as much due to the same reasons why sex becomes monotonous for any couple - lack of attention as well as intention.
I'm a pretty intense person, and my first tendency when the intimacy doesn't feel so intimate is to panic - it's the beginning of the end! Especially in this circumstance, where being fat and stumpy will be relieved by sleep deprivation, a traumatized vagina and the daily life of a dairy cow. It's not like we can expect a big rebound anytime soon. Just the opposite.
However, valleys and troughs are an unavoidable reality when you're in it for the long haul. First of all, you can't always be peaking on passion, or you'll burn out. Second, if you want to take on that whole family deal, burning out on sex and passion is the least of your worries.
So where does that leave us kinky couples who want it all?
For Stanley and I, it's left us on hiatus. Although our existence has been cozy and loving since we moved in together two months ago, we haven't had one scene in our new place. True, my pregnant body is a lot more tender than it ever was, but I still love a good spanking. (Even if it leaves crazy bruises that never appeared before.)The fact of the matter is, we're just in a lull.
What I observe, basically, is that as our vanilla sex has dipped, our kink has fizzled entirely. Which makes sense - there's not enough heat to sustain it, like when coals go cold. It's hard to cook a juicy steak on top of that.
Or is it the inverse? We didn't keep up our kink, and without the extra spark that used to stoke our vanilla fire, that too has faded?
Be it the chicken or the egg, the best way to recover is to brainstorm ways out of our sexual inertia. (I shouldn't call it inertia. The wham bam still takes place, after all.) It's an opportunity to explore new territory - ways to get off and get our kink on that work with our present and upcoming limitations.
I'd love to hear what other part-time kinky couples have to say about the dynamic between their kinky and vanilla sex over the course of a committed relationship. What has your experience been? How has bdsm helped or hindered sexual stamina between you and your partner?
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